Ukrainians are my brothers. Not a single dirty look throughout the entire war

КА: Katya Alexander

АЛ: Anastasia Leonova

КА: Hello, Anastasia, greetings.

АЛ: Greetings.

КА: Thank you so much for remembering, for not forgetting about me.

АЛ: Don't mention it. Sorry, I'm at "Militarist" [editor's note: military equipment store], doing several things at once. I need to buy summer uniform, because for the Armed Forces of Ukraine women simply don't exist. Well, whatever, I wear men's underwear quite successfully, just like all the other girls.

КА: Wow, I didn't think about that.

АЛ: Nobody thinks about that at all, not just you.

КА: This is an interesting thread. I'd like to start with... You're originally a former Russian, right?

АЛ: Why former? I still am one.

КА: Do you still have Russian citizenship?

АЛ: Yes, unfortunately.

КА: Can you tell me when you left, why? How did you decide to leave for Ukraine?

АЛ: The decision was very simple. I couldn't stand what was happening around there anymore. And I left in 2015.

КА: That is, after the war began?

АЛ: Yes, yes, after the war. It's like staying at a party when everyone's drunk, you're sober, and there's some kind of mayhem happening around. I didn't live in Russia for very long, I wasn't there for 4 years. I left in 2009, and only returned in autumn 2013. Everything changed very much: the situation, conversations, moods. It became a bit difficult to communicate with compatriots who said: "You just don't know. There's a madhouse happening in Ukraine. If you speak Russian in Kyiv, they'll beat you up at best." This happened constantly. I tried for some time to convince more or less adequate people, but there were fewer and fewer of them. In the end, I simply couldn't stand it and left. That's it in a nutshell.

КА: Did you choose Ukraine specifically because of the war?

АЛ: Half of my family lives here. I grew up constantly visiting my grandmother. I have cousin sisters here too. I spent every summer in Ukraine. I know Kyiv, Odesa very well. I have a lot of friends here. So I decided I was moving here.

КА: You said you weren't there for 4 years. Were you in another country?

АЛ: I lived in different countries, worked abroad.

КА: So you moved to Ukraine in 2015. How were your feelings? How did you adapt? How did it happen?

АЛ: I didn't need to adapt. This is the country I knew and loved since childhood.

КА: How did you decide to go into military service? How did this story begin for you?

АЛ: First of all, I completed paramedic-rescue worker courses in Moscow long ago, when houses were being blown up in 1999. Being a diving instructor, I'm also a first aid instructor. So back in 2014, while in Moscow, I was translating all the NATO manuals, because the Ukrainian army wasn't working by NATO standards then. And this is one of the most important achievements of the army we have now: that we have NATO medical aid standards, that we have NATO first aid kits, that we work according to their protocols. I contributed to this from the very beginning, first with translations, and then when I arrived, the first thing I did was take courses myself and became a tactical medicine instructor. All summer 2015, until autumn, I worked as a tactical medicine instructor, but I myself didn't go to the combat zone. Starting from autumn 2015 I was in Kyiv. By profession I'm a sommelier, my latest diploma is sommelier. When the full-scale invasion began, about a week after the start I found myself in a volunteer battalion, and now we're already part of the Armed Forces of Ukraine.

КА: Can you tell me how they took you into the Armed Forces of Ukraine? How was it for you given that you have a red passport? I'm very interested in how they relate to this.

АЛ: They relate to me perfectly, because I'm an excellent specialist: everyone except Ukraine's migration service, for whom we simply don't exist. Today's situation with Nevzorov getting citizenship very much enraged not only me, but a lot of volunteers. Since 2014, since 2015, since 2016, we've been fighting, going to courts, we do everything to get citizenship. The law on volunteers was never passed, the law on foreign legionnaires was never passed. We don't exist for the country, but media personalities who... Let's speak frankly. I don't think my three months in the troops and the number of people I've trained to save themselves and help comrades can somehow be on the same scale as... Yes, let Nevzorov have a huge audience, but essentially we do more, as people with weapons in hands, people with medical backpacks. Really, in the first days of war I slept 4 hours at best. This continues now. We spend a lot of time at training grounds. I evacuated wounded when they were advancing on Kyiv from the north. We had many wounded, I gave them aid, I actually saved them. The fact that now with a snap of fingers some people get Ukrainian citizenship without even being in Ukraine, while others don't get shit, it's a bit offensive.

КА: But inside with fellow servicemen, in the Armed Forces of Ukraine...

АЛ: I have absolutely excellent relations. We have a new battalion commander now who didn't serve with me. Just learning the battalion's mood, he's ready to help in every way, ready to do anything to officially register me, because if something happens and I'm not officially registered, neither my family will get compensation, nor will I, if I get wounded, I won't get proper medical aid. So now the question of official registration stands very acutely. For this I need to go through seven circles of hell. More precisely go to hell and return from there at least. Today my lawyer and I tried to do this, but while we're trying, there's no result yet.

КА: Such an attitude, as an equal, was it from the very beginning when you came as a volunteer?

АЛ: Yes, absolutely. Here they look not at your passport, not at something else, here they look primarily at a person's personal qualities, their knowledge and skills. Let me be modest, but I'm a decent paramedic. I was the only medic in the unit for a very long time. We didn't have a chief medic, didn't have a doctor. Nevertheless, none of my fellow servicemen was left without medical aid, without attention, without everything needed.

КА: Your family is partly in Russia...

АЛ: I don't communicate with my family in any form.

КА: But with the Ukrainian part...

АЛ: I communicate with the Ukrainian family, but with those who stayed in Russia I don't communicate for many years not because of the war. This happened long ago. I simply don't have relations with my mother and father. They divorced long ago, I simply don't communicate with these people.

КА: So you're a paramedic in the Armed Forces of Ukraine. What did you have to go through during these terrible 100 days?

АЛ: Honestly, personally I didn't have to go through something terrible. I saw people in de-occupied territories. We were among the first to go, as soon as the Russian units withdrew, I was there. We went with a humanitarian mission, distributed medicines, distributed food, clothes to people who were there all this time. Since you're busy all the time, you need to keep a lot under control, you can't allow yourself to let emotions out. You're armed, you're not in a safe zone, you can't hug and cry. I'll tell you that after all this only gray hair is growing on me.

КА: If there's information you can't talk about - don't. I won't try to pull it out of you. In your unit, did many soldiers need help? What condition are they in?

АЛ: A paramedic works always. If he works well, then on the contrary, he works little. We had two wounded in battle. When we stood on Kyiv's defense line, mortars were working on us, including I was under mortar fire from the Russians. Everything was fine. Honestly, I didn't even notice I was under it, I was told a day later. They constantly hit ambulances. I was in an ambulance evacuating our wounded, a mortar was working on me, but I learned this a day later, I was a bit busy with other things.

КА: Sorry, I might not know very well how the army works. Are paramedics now also armed?

АЛ: Yes, of course.

КА: Besides that I want to ask what we started with a bit. What's it like for a woman in the army? What difficulties do you face?

АЛ: About the same as for a woman in all other spheres of life. The whole world is designed for men, and they don't really think about women. The only thing is, inside the unit there's no difference whether you're a man or woman, we're all equal, we're all absolutely identical. For the state we don't exist, don't exist for the Armed Forces of Ukraine, for warehouses, for headquarters. We have such a bright example. A girl serves with me, her sister serves in the General Staff. She was at General Staff warehouses, there's no women's underwear, no women's uniform there. It exists somewhere, legends go around about it, but these are only legends. But nobody has seen them with their own eyes.

КА: Do you have to alter things somehow?

АЛ: Yes, definitely.

КА: I looked at some of your photos. I understand that most likely there are no body armor vests your size?

АЛ: No, no. I'm very lucky, I have armor plates that fit. I lost a lot of weight during this time. It's lots of training, work, little sleep, little food. Now the armor plate from a standard vest exactly covers my whole torso. So I have a lot of chances to stay alive even after a direct hit from an automatic weapon, for example. You can put a smiley face here.

КА: I even feel awkward laughing about this.

АЛ: No, it's normal. This is our army humor, we laugh all the time. I tease the men, especially those from colonel and above who are a bit chubby. I tell them: "Look, see the plate covers me completely, but not you. What do you think, who has better chances?" They get offended, say: "You're a weakling." I say: "No, I'm not a weakling. Just got lucky."

КА: Good motivation! What about shoes?

АЛ: I'm lucky, I have size 41.

КА: I understand there's no women's underwear.

АЛ: No. We wear standard Armed Forces of Ukraine underwear. It's considered unisex.

КА: But inside the unit and with command...

АЛ: Inside the unit everything's fine.

КА: Such a slightly delicate question. How do you now, after 100 days of war, relate to Russians?

АЛ: I hate them. All those who came to Ukraine with weapons, all those who committed atrocities in Bucha. I saw Borodianka and much of Bucha district with my own eyes. I hate them.

КА: Are Ukrainians for you countrymen and family?

АЛ: Ukrainians are my brothers, Ukrainian women are my sisters. I haven't had once during the whole war... The only thing, Facebook trolls tried something: "Ah! You were born in Moscow." But I didn't choose where my mother would go into labor. It's not my fault where I was born. I chose completely consciously... lord, how is this in Russian... consciously where to live. During the whole war I haven't had a single sideways glance, nothing. All commanders, officers in our unit know my story, many fellow servicemen know my story, no problems arose.

КА: So you feel that Ukraine is literally yours...

АЛ: Ukraine is dearer to me, yes, than the country where I physically had the misfortune to be born.

КА: You said that in 2015 you left because you returned and understood everything had become much worse. Maybe you can remember what became the catalyst for the decision to leave for Ukraine?

АЛ: The last straw was Nemtsov's murder right under the Kremlin walls, with such cynicism. It was so demonstrative, I understood that nothing sacred remained, sooner or later this would all turn into wild horror. That's what happened. Many didn't believe me, many even among Ukrainians told me: "Why do you hate them so much? Where does so much rage come from in you, where does so much hatred come from? There are normal ones there, there's this, there's that. Maybe they really think they're saving Donbas children." When the war began, many of them called me and said: "How right you were to hate them." I understand that hatred is not a very good motivator, but I feel pain so strongly. I'm a very empathetic person who's really just furious. We have a military psychologist, we discuss many of our things. It would be hard to handle all this. She says: "You're very empathetic. I understand perfectly how hard this is. Your empathy is also tied to the fact that you still feel your involvement." Although I never voted for VVKh [editor's note: Vladimir Vladimirovich Khuylo, derogatory reference to Putin] neither the first time in 2000, nor in other elections, but in some measure I feel my guilt for what's happening now.

КА: Did this push you to go...

АЛ: Motivate? Actually, no. I'm lucky to have such a specialty. I wasn't striving to go fight at this moment, a friend called me as an instructor-paramedic, tactical medicine instructor, just to give a training. It worked out, they offered me to stay, and I couldn't refuse.

КА: So first you came as a tactical medicine instructor?

АЛ: Yes. Just to give a one-time tactical medicine training, but in the end I stayed. The next day they gave me 15 minutes to pack things at home and since March 6 I've been with the troops.

КА: Then you were attached to the Armed Forces of Ukraine?

АЛ: No. We have a volunteer unit that became a subdivision of the Armed Forces of Ukraine.

КА: You also said you saw liberated Borodianka. What did you see there?

АЛ: I have lots of photos, we didn't take them. By the way, I drove Petya Verzilov to Borodianka. Petya Verzilov slept on the floor in my quarters, and then Petya ended up at an audience with the Pope. Now I think I should sleep on the floor, not him. It turned out not very nice. Well, what I saw. You can't convey it in words. These are sounds, smells, these are faces of people who are completely different, those who survived this horror. They're a different color, they have different eyes. It smells completely... this burnt smell of metal. You can't describe it, you have to feel it, you have to be there. My hair is falling out, and those that grow fresh are all gray. It wasn't like this before.

КА: This is after the de-occupation of Kyiv Oblast?

АЛ: Yes.

КА: After 100 days of war, what emotional state are you and your unit in personally?

АЛ: Probably this will sound a bit scary, but we adapted to this. We learned to survive in this. There are fewer stresses already. We really learned to live during war.

КА: But fighting spirit hasn't...

АЛ: No. Fighting spirit is at an excellent level, because we must win, we must fight. At the moment the final stage of combat coordination is happening... look up later in the translator how this is in Russian. In ordinary life, in everyday life, we communicate in Russian, but if we're on a mission, especially in de-occupied territories, we communicate in Ukrainian. This is needed for us and for everyone. This is right.

КА: Do you meet many former Russians or Russians who want to renounce citizenship now in service?

АЛ: I know they exist. In our unit I'm alone. I communicate with my unit. I have enough with our newly conscripted, we deal with them. I don't have the opportunity, sometimes I can't read news for several days. I simply have very little time. Plus very bad connection where we are, where our location is. We have Starlink, but it's not for such things. Thanks to Elon Musk. We also have a Tesla in our unit, we drive it.

КА: Is it civilian or military?

АЛ: Yes, it's civilian. It belongs to one of the people who came as a volunteer to fight. In conditions of complete fuel shortage, it's very cool that we have a Tesla. I have a video later you can find: sunny day, beautiful, cool and we're driving a Tesla. Just not through Saint-Tropez, but toward the middle of nowhere, excuse my French.

КА: What else would you like to tell about your service in the Armed Forces of Ukraine and about this war, what I didn't ask you about?

АЛ: We only factually became Armed Forces of Ukraine. I don't really understand yet what's the difference between Armed Forces of Ukraine and a volunteer subdivision. There became more paperwork, more bureaucratic moments, but I understand this is while we have combat coordination, and overall I'm in an excellent environment, among the best people. Boys and girls, we have a lot of girls. Also like me, there's a girl who drives an ambulance herself. We switched from our glamorous cars to ambulances, drive them perfectly. We worked on evacuation, we work on current trips to hospital, provide aid, work with humanitarian missions. I'm where any normal person would dream to be. Well what else to do? We have war.

КА: How should I correctly identify you? How would you write about yourself?

АЛ: Tactical medicine instructor and combat paramedic.

КА: That is, not indicate the unit?

АЛ: No, absolutely not. "Of one of the Armed Forces of Ukraine units."

КА: I probably won't distract you anymore. I understand you had very little time for me.

АЛ: No, no. I'm trying on pants, everything's normal.

КА: You just have some completely incredible story. Last important question. What will you do after victory?

АЛ: I'll definitely get married and have a child. I was childfree for a long time, but now I understand a wonderful child will be born from me. Well, from me and from one who also participated in this armed conflict with weapon in hand. Most likely we'll be wonderful parents.

КА: Of course you will! Is he from your unit?

АЛ: I won't comment on this. If suddenly we decide to get married during the war, everyone will know on Facebook.

КА: I'll definitely congratulate you. Anastasia, thank you very much. I also wanted to ask, can I take some of your photos from Facebook?

АЛ: Yes, everything that's on Facebook in open access, you can take everything.

КА: Super. Thank you very much. When we do everything, I'll definitely send you the link. If you have Instagram and want me to tag you, please send me the link so I can tag you in the post.

АЛ: Yes, I'll send you everything. Better right now, because one of the war's features is memory like a fish. You forget everything in three seconds. If you didn't write it down or do it, your memory cache completely refreshes and that's it.

КА: Doesn't this affect your work?

АЛ: No, no. Knowledge as a paramedic, plus all pharmacology, because we work with huge amounts of humanitarian aid. All countries send us everything possible. You translate names from Georgian, from Turkish. You figure out which paracetamol, in which country, where to put it. This all works perfectly. But such information, what you promised to whom, if it's not written in chat - that's it, in 3 minutes you forget. You have a huge flow of information, and you have secondary things, and there are important things. We forget a lot.

КА: I also wanted to ask you. You came to Armed Forces of Ukraine work from such high society life - you worked as a sommelier. How quickly did you adapt at all? And how did this work out for you?

АЛ: Perfectly. My entire wine collection is currently stored in the ambulance. Before this it was in the unit in a box under the bed, there I have body armor and there lay the most valuable specimens of my wine. It's pointless to leave them at home. There's the left bank, it could be captured. So everything is with me.

КА: You're storing them, not drinking?

АЛ: No, of course. We don't drink at all.

КА: This is like a reserve for celebration?

АЛ: There's champagne there that will be drunk for victory or in case of death of that person whose death all Ukrainians wish for, including minors and cats and dogs.

КА: Not only Ukrainians, but the whole civilized world.

АЛ: Yes. The whole world is with us in general. So yes, probably not only Ukrainians wish for him to die in agony.

КА: This is true. How were you able to adapt to life at war?

АЛ: You know, besides being a sommelier, I organized big festivals for 10,000 people and more. This is quite useful experience during war, however funny it sounds. It's roughly like organizing a big festival - you have to make something out of nothing - find, get, provide. There's nothing very new for me here.

КА: One more question that also occurred to me. Did you have to use weapons?

АЛ: We constantly use weapons. We're a combat unit.

КА: Paramedics too?

АЛ: Yes, of course. We constantly do training, we clean weapons, we shoot from them. We use them as intended.

КА: How is it for you, as a person who wasn't in military structure...

АЛ: I hunted a lot. I was with weapons in 2015 when I myself took the paramedic course, I fully completed military training, including weapon handling. For me this isn't some news. I know how to handle weapons. I'm one of the instructors, I must be able to do this better than any fighter.

КА: Hunting and training is one thing, another when it's real confrontation against a person. How did you experience this?

АЛ: We don't confront, we work. We work, provide, save life for a military paramedic - this is first of all stopping the threat's impact. If it's fire, then we first put out the fire, and then apply bandages. You shouldn't apply bandages to a burning person. Right? If they're shooting at us, we first remove the one who's shooting, and only after that we help the wounded. This is saving the lives of my fellow servicemen: girls, boys I fight with. I don't have a question of using or not using weapons, because this is the life of my brothers and sisters.

КА: You're a real heroine.

АЛ: I'm not a heroine at all. I cried at the military registration office today. They didn't give me military ID, said to come Monday, I broke down crying.

КА: This is normal.

АЛ: This is only the second time during the war that I cried. The first time was for roughly the same reason.

КА: When they didn't give you...

АЛ: No, not there, something else. Difficulties in registration, everything runs into the Migration Service of Ukraine more specifically, damn it. Everyone has a big grudge against it. I would continue without registration too. It's just that the battalion commander wants to do it right and plus we became part of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, everything should be maximally correct. But if they don't give me military ID, I'll continue fighting. Maybe they won't let me in this unit, then in another, but I won't go civilian, I definitely won't leave the country.

КА: Until the end of war, until victory, you stay on the frontline?

АЛ: Yes. Absolutely.

КА: Anastasia, this is a very important conversation for me. Thank you for agreeing to talk with me.

АЛ: Thank you. Sorry that I was so slow to respond, it's just really not the conditions where you can talk.

КА: I understand very well. I'm very grateful that you remembered and agreed to talk with me.

АЛ: Thank you for showing interest in us.

КА: Now only this is possible.

АЛ: We're not quite heroes yet. We haven't destroyed many tanks yet. Well, a couple.

КА: But how many lives you saved.

АЛ: We were counting recently. I had a small depression period, we were counting since 2015 not even how many lives I saved, but how many enemies we destroyed thanks to fighters getting back in formation faster, knowing how to give themselves aid, dying less. This is damage. I think that to the Russian Federation specifically through my knowledge, my experience, significant damage was inflicted.

КА: You mentioned this depressive episode. Did it happen during the war?

АЛ: Yes. It was more about registration, bureaucracy. Bureaucracy kills me more than combat operations don't. It's easier to fight than to fight bureaucracy.

КА: As far as I understand, you have the right to get citizenship through roots?

АЛ: Yes through relatives, but migration says: "No. We won't give it." I simply don't have time now, if I give all my strength to fighting migration, I won't have strength left to fight the Russian Federation. So we call them "collaborators" behind their backs.

КА: I really hope you get the blue passport soon and register in general. And that victory comes sooner.

АЛ: We do everything to bring it closer, but unfortunately there are people who don't let us do this fully.

КА: I hope this changes soon. Thank you and take care of yourself as much as possible.

АЛ: Definitely. I protect the guys, they protect me. This way we survive.

КА: Thank you once more. I hope everything will be good.

АЛ: Thank you, we'll try. If anything, you can get in line for who I'll drink with at the victory celebration.

КА: Excellent! I'm planning to get to Kyiv right around that time.

АЛ: Super! I'll be glad to meet in person.

КА: Very mutual. I hope we'll see each other soon. All the best. See you later!

АЛ: See you later!