I realized: they’d taken me out to be executed

КА: I want to start from afar, with Azovstal. Can you, as a doctor, tell how you had to work in conditions where there was constant shelling, there was a blockade of Azovstal, how did you manage to treat people there at all?

ЮМ: Look, I was at Azovstal for literally 6 or 7 hours.

КА: Ilyich, exactly.

ЮМ: Here, in principle, we can make a reservation. I understand for what purpose our government promotes the idea of specifically Azovstal, because that's how it should be, I agree with this, because an exchange is the same kind of military special operation. If necessary, I can tell about Azovstal too.

КА: No, I actually just misspoke. I remembered that you worked at Ilyich, I wanted to learn more about Ilyich.

ЮМ: By and large, they didn't differ from each other in anything. The hospital was destroyed on March 16, I think, by Russian aviation and artillery. At that moment, from the remains of personnel, equipment and property, 2 doctor-nurse brigades were formed. One worked at Azovstal, the second at Ilyich. The total number was 18 at one and 18 at the other. I worked at Ilyich. On the very first day, when I went down into this basement, it was a large room by area, what surprised me most - it was all filled with wounded. There was no free space at all where you could just step. I reached the end of this room, I thought that this was already the end of this room. Then I saw a door, went through this door, and there was another room just like it. That is, a huge number of wounded. I still can't count how many there were, approximately around 300 wounded. Moreover, so you understand, the number of personnel in a doctor-nurse brigade is 10 times less than the number in a hospital. At the same time, medical care was provided in the volumes of a full-fledged military hospital, like our usual hospital, the Dnipro one. And this was a group of 18 people, there were very few of us. There were many people, a big flow of wounded. And the flow was big in quantity, heavy in structure. My biggest mass admissions were - 26 people at once. They bring you such a large number of people at one moment. Of them, 2-3 people are extremely critical, who need priority treatment measures, the rest can wait a little bit. But the biggest difficulty was that we couldn't evacuate these wounded. We could work even with such a flow, this is real, this is normal for a doctor-nurse brigade, medical care in the army is organized in such a way that in principle we can handle it. The burden on us was this impossibility to evacuate the wounded from Mariupol. We were under siege, we were in blockade, these wounded need to be treated. We can't just stabilize them and put them on a bed. We must provide medical care comprehensively and fully. In my opinion, this was the biggest difficulty.

КА: And the wounded came to the Ilyich plant, I understand that these are residents of Mariupol who suffered from shelling?

ЮМ: Yes. There were civilians, there were wounded children. Everyone was already flowing to the military medics at that moment, because that's how the situation developed at the beginning of the war - chaos, panic. Thanks specifically to the Mariupol hospital, the hospital commander, senior officer staff, help was organized not only in the hospital itself, but civilian educational and preventive institutions were also coordinated. Military doctors were sent there, who managed, coordinated the work of civilian healthcare systems. Due to this, the hospital was able to reduce the amount of load specifically on the hospital itself. But again, this was all before March 16. March 16, when they bombed the hospital, already...

КА: Not May?

ЮМ: March. By that moment, of all the hospitals that were in Mariupol, only the Mariupol military hospital was providing care. And that, to one of these doctor-nurse brigades from Azovstal and Ilyich. By and large, there was no one there to treat civilians. If not for us, they would have been left without any medical care at all.

КА: Residents of Mariupol?

ЮМ: Yes.

КА: They shelled not Ilyich, but the Mariupol hospital, right?

ЮМ: I didn't understand the question.

КА: I understand that besides Ilyich there was a central hospital in Mariupol. Or is this Ilyich at that moment?

ЮМ: Look, once again. On March 16, the 555th military hospital, which is located in Mariupol, it was completely destroyed. The building, the corps - everything destroyed. Remains of personnel, things, equipment. From this personnel, 2 medical doctor-nurse brigades were formed. A doctor-nurse brigade - this is a surgeon, anesthesiologist, therapist, nurses. Such brigades were formed at the Ilyich plant and at the Azov plant. They provided medical care to civilians, military, everyone who needed it until the end of combat operations in Mariupol.

КА: How was everything arranged at the Ilyich plant? I understand that there wasn't originally a hospital there. How did everything look there?

ЮМ: This is a basement room, such a common big hall and there were also small rooms around the perimeter of this hall. In these rooms an operating room, warehouse, pharmacy were deployed. We were able to organize a full-fledged good hospital on the basis of the basement. This is all the merit of the personnel. The work that should be done by 180 people was done by 18. I can tell you medical physician peculiarities, they won't be too clear to you. Besides treatment measures, besides providing medical care, the hospital took on logistics functions. These 300 wounded had to be fed, clothed. When they bring a wounded person, all the clothes that are on him, they are cut off, torn off, they are already unsuitable for use. You need to find somewhere 300 sets of clothes, you need to find food for 300 people, and all this was done by the hospital personnel. This is very big heavy work. Transportation of these wounded, we changed these bunkers 4 times. It's not that we were in one place until the end of combat operations. The bunker we were in was destroyed 4 times. On April 9, the Russians almost captured this bunker. One fine day we heard, there was a strong aviation strike, then artillery shelling, already above our heads we hear gunfire. The commander clarified the tactical situation, as a result of which it turned out that the unit that was guarding us, holding life at this place, was destroyed. We found ourselves on the very front line. There everything was in encirclement anyway, literally on a small territory all combat operations were already happening, practically the Russians entered the territory of the bunker where we were. The question was already about defending ourselves. We had to change the scalpel for an assault rifle. Fortunately, among these wounded, this is just... I admire these people, these military men, fighters so much. Just imagine: a person who has both legs shot through, he stands on crutches, holds an assault rifle in his hand and says: "Doc, inject me with something so I can at least go up." I say: "Brother, you understand that this is a one-way trip?", - "I understand everything, just inject me." From these 300 they gathered about ten people bandaged up, broken, they stood up to defend the hospital. Those very wounded. Due to this courage, heroism, just incredible, if not for them, then possibly things would have ended a bit differently.

КА: They went to defend the plant, how many of them returned?

ЮМ: They held out for another day. This was from morning until evening - they fought back, and in the evening we moved from this bunker to another one. There were no losses among these wounded, everything worked out. Just the fact itself.

КА: Here in front of you stands a person on crutches, both his legs are shot through, he asks you to inject him with painkillers so he can fight back. What were you experiencing at that moment in general?

ЮМ: I wasn't experiencing anything, I was just admiring these people and that's all. For me, a military man who shot down a plane or me, as a doctor who saved someone - there's nothing supernatural about this, this is our work. We do this because these are our direct functional duties. Having fulfilled them 100%, we are professionals of our craft. But people who work on the edge of their physical capabilities, just superhuman, they evoke in me, first of all, deep respect, admiration. Just one thought that I didn't come there on March 31 for nothing. I didn't see these people for nothing and for them it was really worth risking my life.

КА: Considering that there were quite few doctor-medics at the plant compared to peaceful life, how did you work in general? You also worked at the limit of human capabilities. How many hours did you sleep, did you manage to sleep at all in such circumstances?

ЮМ: In general, this whole rotation passed for me like one day somehow. One big continuous day. Yes, we slept. How much did we sleep? I don't know. This day, it somehow stretches. There are wounded - a lot of work, while there's no work - you sleep. And so the day stretches. And these days for me became the whole Mariupol rotation.

КА: That is, until captivity?

ЮМ: It was hard, yes. It was very difficult. So difficult, it was very exhausting, I felt it myself. To make some decision concerning some non-professional questions was difficult. I felt exhaustion. As an example, I would like to tell about my nurse. Circumstances developed such that we had a critically wounded patient with hemorrhagic shock who needed blood of a certain group, rhesus. And only she alone had this blood group. I took half a liter of blood from her. After which she, pale, went on to work. Just so you understand, before this we once had a donor day in our unit. We took blood from ordinary soldiers, about 250 milliliters on average were taken. And out of these 10 soldiers, two lost consciousness. She, after giving her blood, continued to work. For me this was an example of incredible professionalism. These girls, nurses, doctors who were there, they fundamentally changed my attitude toward women in the army as such. In any case, in medicine I was very surprised, admired. For me she is an example, the embodiment of all our bright work. We all gave ourselves there 100%.

КА: Every medic in Ukraine, especially those who work in military hospitals, are simply heroes. This brings me incredible admiration, of course, just madness. How was everything arranged for you with medications, various devices, preparations that were needed? Did you have enough of everything? After Mariupol was taken in a ring, help from Ukraine stopped coming, how was this arranged for you? Were there medications and other instruments needed for treating people?

ЮМ: Strangely enough, thanks to the efforts, professionalism of the commander, senior officers, heads of departments, after the destruction of the hospital we managed to collect remains of property, artificial ventilation devices. All the technical part, plus material - medicines, bandaging materials. We even managed to take a dry-heat sterilizer from the operating room.

КА: For disinfecting instruments?

ЮМ: Yes-yes. We didn't throw up our hands, didn't make excuses and didn't say that we don't have something. If we didn't have some medicines, then the commander solved this problem. The commander left the bunker, drove around Mariupol and looked for where this could be obtained, in which destroyed hospital there's an artificial ventilation device. This might sound like he went somewhere for some property. So you understand, one of our sergeants who went to get canned goods at the warehouse returned simply without two legs. This is heavy monotonous work constantly, 24/7. Until the last day, until the moment of the breakout, we had practically everything necessary except, perhaps, antibiotics, perhaps solutions. This is what was really running out. In Dnipro, when the question arose about what to take with us, they said that this transportation of us there is reinforcement of personnel. In terms of material and technical equipment, unfortunately, there's no possibility. Priority is still war, combat operations, so helicopters were filled with ammunition. We discussed, just took tablet preparations, tablet painkillers, antibiotics. If, let's say, I need to take a whole box of antibiotics meter by meter, then I just take a jar of antibiotics, 4 thousand pieces, which took up an ordinary jar like for coffee. We sat half the night, clicking these antibiotics, painkillers into these jars. Due to this we basically solved the problem. What is military medicine? This is the ability to adapt to any situation that develops. We will never have anything ideal, but we must always be able to adapt. If a civilian doctor, he will most likely panic, throw up his hands and say: "I have nothing to treat with," then we always found a way out of the situation. We didn't have such a fighter to whom we couldn't provide help because we don't have some medicines. The biggest stumbling block - blood, we didn't have donor blood. The only source - my nurse, as an example. And again, she alone gave. I had wounded fighters, one who had one lung shot through, he himself pale, low pressure, at the same time he approaches me: "Take more, take more." He can barely move on his legs. Another one with a torn-off arm, also in serious condition, at the same time he gave his blood. So the guys pulled each other, saved each other.

КА: I also wanted to roll back further, since we touched on it. How did you decide to become specifically a military doctor?

ЮМ: At the moment of university graduation, this is 2014, I graduated from Lugansk State Medical University. The war began, I moved to Poltava, entered service in the brigade as a paramedic. Serving in the brigade I understood what kind of doctor I want to be. I want to be an anesthesiologist-resuscitator doctor, an intensive care doctor. This is a doctor who saves life and pulls from there, none of the specialists can do what I can do. This is why I chose specifically my specialty. Why military? Yes, probably only in Mariupol I understood why specifically I want to be, want to remain a military doctor. Mariupol was specifically military medicine. In the hospital in Dnipro, in Kyiv you don't understand this, there's no difference between a civilian hospital and a military hospital. And Mariupol - this is a real embodiment of what a military doctor is. This is a person working in all directions, besides medicine dealing with secondary tasks, working 24/7 at the limit of his capabilities. Specifically in Mariupol I understood that I want to be a military doctor. I want to work where others run away from, give up.

КА: Did you get the specialty of military anesthesiologist-resuscitator already in 2014 or later?

ЮМ: In 2014 I just went to serve in the brigade. Most young doctors, students, if someone will be reading this, they might understand what I'm talking about. We like a heap all these 6 years of university, we don't have an understanding of who you want to be. There's an idea about who a surgeon is, who a therapist is. You reason about these specialties, you don't really have an understanding of this work. Only with years, with experience, with practice you understand that I want to be this doctor. I saw for myself that I want to be a resuscitator. I fell in love with this work, I felt that this is mine. Why a military resuscitator? Specifically in military medicine I am most effective, specifically in military medicine my military skills, qualities and abilities are 100% manifested. Everything comes with experience and practice.

КА: Let's move to the moment when captivity happened. You were already at Azovstal, right?

ЮМ: No. On the 10th the hospital commander received an order from the brigade commander to prepare for a breakout. The breakout was from Mariupol. On the night from the 10th to the 11th we had to load all the wounded, destroy things, equipment and prepare for the breakout. On the 10th there was the first breakout, it didn't succeed. On the 11th there was the second breakout, it also didn't succeed. As a result of these unsuccessful breakouts we were captured by the Russians. This is still such hidden information, I won't name the numbers I heard there. But the guys said that very many people died there. I'm not saying this to complain about many casualties. I'm saying this so that everyone knows and understands that we were ready to die there, but not fall into this damn captivity. We went out fighting, applied maximum efforts to break out of there. But, unfortunately, it didn't work out. The fighters were very exhausted. Yes, by the way, this is very important, shows how exhausted the military were. A wounded person who lies on my operating table, I, as an anesthesiologist... You have an idea about an anesthesiologist - the one who gives sleep, as I classically say, for surgery. What is sleep? This is anesthesia, plus preparations for sleep. So, I simply gave effective anesthesia to the wounded in Mariupol, and minimum sleep. Only my anesthesiologist colleagues will understand me. From my professional point of view, this characterizes a high degree of patient exhaustion. Because he fell asleep simply from the fact that it didn't hurt. He fell into such a deep sleep at the level of anesthesia, during which some operation could be performed. I had never encountered this in my practice before in my life. This is a very big, significant feature. It showed how exhausted these fighters were, they fought to the last. They were hungry, sleepless, the guys just courageously stood to death.

КА: These breakout attempts, where were you at this moment? What did you see?

ЮМ: Let's skip this. We were breaking out from there, and all the rest, all these details, it's better not to tell anything until the end of the war.

КА: But you were engaged at this moment in preparation, transportation of the wounded, yes?

ЮМ: Yes. This was the difficulty of military medicine. We are responsible for these wounded, we don't abandon them anywhere. My girls-nurses loaded them, there 50 kilograms weight girls, and they load these wounded. We load into the car, nearby mortars come. We lay down, went further to the bunker for the next one. This is how this breakout was, we didn't abandon anyone, no one ran away. If approaching the question personally, we could have said that we are doctors and we only treat, do everything else yourselves. We didn't abstract ourselves from these problems, we, besides our medical work, performed additional work, which was not assigned to our functional duties.